Blog

How to Comb Your Beard

 

I almost wish I didn’t have to write this. This lesson куда сходить в Новосибирске ought to be told around a camp fire, passed like a primal baton from man to son, big beard to little beard, generation to generation. The skills of beard growth and maintenance should exist in the minds of men and be shared through folklore and cave drawings, not via the impersonal tutelage of blogging. Alas, Wikipedia not your Daddy probably taught you how to shave, and I’m pretty sure ZZ Top hates camping anyways. So here we are: how to comb your beard.

First choose your weapon: Brush or Comb. This decision can be based purely on preference. However I am biased, so I will explain why brushes are for rookies.

Brushes have more grip than a comb. While this may be a good quality in bike tyres or for a wrestler, it can be detrimental to your beard growth.

The brush grip may unintentionally uproot your beard hairs before they have the chance to reach their full maturity. This is as your beautifully grown old hairs are celebrating their telogen phase (final phase before being transcended by a new follicle) they are weak, and brushes tend to rip them out, leaving your beard thinned and infantile.

So use a beard comb, but be selective. Not all combs are created equal. Find a comb that is hand-sawn and polished. This process smooths the teeth preventing micro-fissures, found on cheaper machine-cut plastic combs, which can snag and damage your beard. I suggest using the Kent Comb – it is smooth and efficient, has both fine and coarse teeth at either end and is born from a company that has been grooming legends since the days of horse and cart, stovepipes, snuff boxes, and fucking awesome beards.

The next step is conditioning. Beard oil hydrates your beard with an all-natural concoction of carrier and essential oils. This indispensable product both moisturises and conditions. It smooths out knots and tangles while preventing the hair from breaking as you comb. This will help you to tame that unruly face-mess into a malleable mistress. Check here for tips on applying beard oil.

Now your beard is ready. Begin by combing slowly and gently, spreading the oil evenly throughout your facial hair. Maintain a straight angle as you comb and move from top to bottom and side to centre. This educates the beard on where it should exist and what direction it should grow towards.

For best results, start with the comb’s wider teeth to spread the oil and begin navigating the throng. Then switch to the narrower end to fine tune its shape and wrangle in those loose hairs.

Often the moustache and under-beard are neglected. So make sure to comb that mo. And lift your beard and drag down those neck hairs to prevent them from curling up and short-changing your full potential.

To ensure your beard is always looking massive and godly, repeat this process every day.

And next time you have the younger generation at your feet, all eager and naive, absorbing your life lessons through their weak and spongy brains, accept your primal responsibility and teach them the long-forgotten folklore of ‘how to comb a beard’.

Or give up, direct them here, and call me Daddy – Miles Bouchard

The Beard Oil Manifesto: Explanation and Application

Have you ever been walking your facial hair down the street and noticed a man with a beard that makes Ned Kelly look like a chump and wondered what is he doing different? The answer: beard oil.

Beard oil soothes your skin, hydrates your beard, and straightens and manages your face hair so that you too can be the object of envy.

So what is beard oil?

Shampoo and conditioner have solidified their place as bathroom staples for centuries. Yet, only recently has the hair grown from the bottom of the face received the same love and care as the hair on top. Alas, shabby curls, split ends, and flaky and dry skin have become bearded commonplace.

Enter beard oil: a courageous brew of natural carrier and essential oils. (You could go with the synthetic option, however I find it can irritate the skin, and hippies).

Buccaneer Grooming’s Beard Oil is a natural and organic combination of carrier oils including Sweet Almond, Grape Seed, Jojoba Seed, Argan, and Vitamin E. Our signature scent ‘The Buc’ also has essential oils Peppermint, Lemongrass and Sandalwood, scented purely for the #recklesslyadventurous.

Beard oil moisturizes, softens, and styles your beard, all-in-one. It is basically the bearded love-child of shampoo, conditioner and hair gel. And did I mention it smells nice – the earthy zest of sandalwood, fresh lemongrass and cooling peppermint even beguiled my beard-fearing girlfriend.

 

How do I use it?

Firstly, every beard requires a different amount of oil. Depending on length, beard pride and levels of hygiene, generally the best rule is:

• Clean cut to a month: 3 to 4 drops
• One to three months: 4 to 6 drops
• Three to twelve months: 6 to 10 drops
• Twelve months plus: 10 drops and up

Buccaneer Grooming's Beard Oil is equipped with a dropper so that you can accurately measure your desired quantity. I find the droplet applicator easier and less wasteful than the pour tops. Remember to replace the dropper directly back into the bottle after use as it can contaminate those precious natural oils if left on a dirty counter top.

I like to apply oil every day to keep my beard fresh and under control, though if you live in a more humid climate, or are less diligent, you can adjust your frequency accordingly.

The best time to apply beard oil is straight after you shower. This is as your pores are open and receptive and therefore will absorb the oil more effectively. If you don’t feel like a shower, simply dip your beard into a bowl of hot water and towel dry before applying.

Rub the beard oil between your hands, ensuring even distribution. Then gently massage it into your face – the natural oils will instantly moisturise your neglected skin.

Move onto the beard. Run your fingers through your side burns, under your chin and across your mo, aiming to cover all the hair on your face.

Now brush the oil through with a good beard comb – I find this spreads it evenly so that no hair is ignored.

And if you choose to style your beard, grab a comb and work it. The hair on your face is now soft and malleable and easy to shape.

Initially the scent of the oil will be strong, but don’t worry, it will temper once it absorbs into your beard and face. And if you’re still fretting about your godly aroma, get a mate to sniff you and report back. Though, this is probably a lot lamer than smelling like a boss.

Thanks to this masterful blend of natural oils your facial hair will now be free from beard-druff, dry skin and shabby scraggles.

Instead, if applied correctly, your beard will feel and look like it was moulded from the distilled testosterone of a thousand angry silver-backs, the timeless erudition of the Grecian philosopher and the defiant barbarity of a mangy pirate (and some sandalwood).

So take it for a walk and get noticed - Miles Bouchard.

Growing Your Beard: What You Need To Know

Whether you grow a beard for the extra testosterone, mild immunosuppression, spermatogenesis, as a cheap dress-up costume – see pirate or Lincoln – to assert your dominance in a crowd, or simply because you have an ugly chin, the process of bearding is perilous. However, it’s not without guidance.

This article shall illuminate the physical and psychological snares of bearding – growing, styling, appeasing your girlfriend – so that you can safely navigate life with a beard.

Firstly – well done. By even conjuring the thought of growing a beard you have instantly tapped into the grand history of all-manliness.

Charles Darwin, bearded evolutionary scientist, was the first to purport that the process of sexual selection led to beards, meaning: more beardy, more powerful, more women, more offspring. Fact. Therefore, survival-of-the-beardest isn’t just a theory that disproves creationism.

Throughout time, beards have been used by men to assert dominance. From Ancient India to Ancient Rome, wisdom, strength and courage have all been associated with the growth of a beard.

Though, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Growing a beard is like watching a baby grow – it is a tangible representation of time, measured in length and not minutes.

The first step to grow is not to cut. So jettison the razor and trimmer and be patient. This stage is the easiest, with the initial hairy developments being most apparent. You will transform from baby-face Andrew to unkempt Andy in a few short weeks, and begin wondering why a slight layer of face stubble is suddenly noticed by your colleagues.

I find the best method of dispelling workplace banter is by cultivating pride in your beard. Shed mundane comments with the deep-seated knowledge that you are fulfilling your prehistoric destiny.

Physically, your face, neck and chin are going to itch. This is as your skin is now sprouting little sharp hairs that will eventually curl back on themselves and stab you in the face. Though this stage is short – generally one to two months before gravity pulls them down – it can be uncomfortable. That’s why I recommend applying beard oil a couple times a week to keep your masterpiece feeling and looking good. This is your introduction to beard grooming products. Take pride in your grooming and shop online at Buccaneer Grooming.

Depending on your social or employment status, it may be important that you trim your beard. For the couch-dwelling welfare types, this doesn’t apply to you. Keep doing what you’re doing (basically nothing). But for the working man the initial beard can be quite unsightly. While every beard is different, catfish moustache, shabby hobo curls and patchy face affects almost everyone, except the most biologically endowed.

So trim. I would recommend beard scissors over a trimmer. Not only do they provide an old-school barber shop feel they also remove the risk of cutting a big patch out and ruining your hard work. Hedge your moustache back behind your upper lip. Cut your neck hair in a semicircle where your head starts. And generally trim any face hair that refuses to conform to the rest of your beard. However, conformity isn't for all of us so feel free to totally skip this recommendation and go all out regardless of your employment circumstances. In fact, we encourage this.

The clandestine bearded world will now become apparent to you. As you move down the street bearded men will replace leggy blondes as the masters of your attention.

When meeting strangers with beards, an instant hierarchy will be set based on length and style, within which you have no choice but to accept your designated position. This is by no means fixed given that you continue to grow. 

In three months you can expect your beard to be in its unruly adolescence. In beard years it is an insolent teenager. It waves and curls and refuses to obey the discipline of the beard comb. You will quickly devolve from bearded nobleman into shabby bushman if you don’t learn to keep things under control. 

At this stage I find the best form of beard inculcation is through daily rinses and a thorough wash once a week, thereby keeping it soft and malleable (note - do not use normal hair shampoo on your face, it will dry your skin out, cause beardruff and eventually split ends). Applying beard oil every day will help return the comb to its throne.

On your journey you may discover that your armpits and head hair aren’t alone in their differing pigmentation. Basically, you have a ginger beard, though don’t fear it. Though redheads have copped a lot of flack over the years (apparently that’s only because of Shakespeare), there are several advantages to having a bit of ginge: lumberjack status, you produce your own Vitamin D, and red hairs have less of a chance of turning grey. Wield it like a true warrior.

So it’s been four to five months since you released the beard. Your genetics have dictated the style and shape and with your careful guidance your beard is beginning to reach its full potential.

And your girlfriend hates you.

She must overcome 3 stages to reach full beard acceptance:

1. At first she will deny the beard, convinced that it is a simple pipe-dream that will never reach fruition. She will move through denial as quick as the hair grows from your face, learning to accept that you are committed to the beard; which is now her adversary.
2. Anger and bargaining. Here she may use underhand tactics of sexual refusal and withdrawing from the make-out during which you must simply have faith in your beard, love your beard, and reassert that you are doing this for yourself.
3. The final stage is where she basically gives up – which usually takes a few months. She doesn’t even notice the beard anymore, and when her friends mention it, she becomes dejected and apathetic. However, what she will notice is how you now command social situations with sexy dominance and manly nonchalance that is sure to ignite her love for you; her bearded better half. This is the stage where we all want our girlfriends to be.

If you don’t have a girlfriend, well done, you have successfully grown a cool-babe discerning implement. Your beard will effectively analyse, test and pre-select any girl that you come into contact with. Only the most outgoing, heretical and assertively sensual ladies will be confident enough to take on the beard, so you won’t have any more awkward silences.

And basically, you will feel great. You cultivated the patience, confidence and charisma to distinguish yourself from the pack and release your inner-man.

Skills that you can incorporate into your everyday life.

Get creative and style your beard. There are myriad websites: /r/beards, Beardboard.com, and beardedgents.com, that can help you choose a style or shape best suited to you, so you can effectively express yourself through your beard.

So be yourself, grow yourself and groom yourself. And most importantly, learn from your beard.

And if you don’t like it, shave it off  -  Miles Bouchard.

Typography Beard Guide: Famous Fonts for Your Best Beard Brother